music has charms to soothe a savage beast.: October 2006

very draggy day. and it sucked, mostly.

i think i'm just another spoilt brat. yearning for attention but never getting any. like a fucking dog.

childish as well. slapping people back twice as hard as they slap me and leaving them wondering what they did.

causing hurt and pain.

everytime.

so, is this me?

or not.

i don't know either.

i wish someone bothered to discover me. i guess its another selfish want. no one'll have the patience to do that. no one'd stay through all the pain i dish out.

or dish back.

do guys actually wish people do sweet stuff for them? or am i just weird?

yearn, but never, ever receive.

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 8:21 PM

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hello world. i don't have much to blog about. but anyway.

i lost track of what i've been doing, but thursday was writcomm presentation. i guess it went pretty well. now, there's a bloody speech to deal with. that's on tuesday. i'm out of time. how? i wonder. hmm.

then it was poptarts on friday. we got there really late. food was all gone, so i ended up drinking on an empty tummy.

big mistake. everything went to my head, but i managed to control.

for a while.

i ended up puking. a lot.

but i guess i managed to stay coherent most of the time.

a big thanks to everyone who took care of me in my drunken state and to elle for letting me crash at her place, though i was in a really bad way. loves.

been a bad week. emotional wreck.

i don't know what i'm trying to do, masking my feelings.

worst thing is i don't know what's bringing me so down. i wish i knew what the problem was, then i'd know how to go about solving it.

maybe i do know.

all the past hurt and hate.

it never fails to resurface. like an inner demon that breaks free when the walls of my heart wear thin from too much pulling.

and rending, and cracking.

don't ask me how you can make me better, i don't know myself. and i hate it.

it comes out, breaks out, then causes trouble, making more hurt and hate.

i hate life, i really do.

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 12:28 AM

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i wonder how my mom deals with me.

she's like, forever caring. forever sheltering me.

and i push her away most of the time.

how does she not feel the hurt?

the same hurt i feel now?

yeah i guess i'm like a kid, a little boy who throws tantrums whenever he doesn't get his way or will done.

i wish i knew how to give in more to you, and not feel this way.

feel.. my heart ripping and shredding itself

into pieces.

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 11:36 PM

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there flies my weekend.

what did i do? oh okay i remember.

right its sunday evening, i'm rotting my arse here, half-asleep, because i slept freaking late last night.

oh yes. daddy came home on friday, because he has a long break. they're celebrating raya over in dubai, long holiday. yeah. he's going off tomorrow night though! so fast. lol.

saturday, yesterday. i got up pretty late, then i wenta bathe and stuff and went out for dinner. mom, dad, kor and i. the 4 of us.

yeah you can count the number of times a year we have family dinners on ONE hand.

went to rochester park for dinner.

wonderful place. those old colonial houses, the black and white ones. they were converted to F&B outlets. there's wine bars, texas grill, aussie food. stuff like that. we had dinner at this place called 'ming jiang' or something. chinese food. amazing fare lah. eat until happy. hahah.

talked till like 10 like that.

then went to mona's.

slept over.

uh. woke up. and this is the result.

MONA DON'T KILL ME. HAHAHAH.

i didn't put up some cause uh. i just look disgusting. and because this is a FAMILY website. heehee.

loveloveloveyou!

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 6:39 PM

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helloooo people!

yep! school's started. this semester i'm taking several interesting modules.

Speech Communication
Written Communication
Social Psychology
Radio

and i'm like taking two interdisciplinary studies.

Exploring Contemporary Issues
Individual & the Community (yeah i think it sounds dumb too)

well lectures were on monday and we've already gotten our first few assignments.

due by week three:

a 500-word report about a radio station of my choice. i'm half done with this. i chose class 95, and i stopped doing it because i realised i might get more information at friday's radio class.

a speech assignment worth 10% of my grade. on something that i WISHED existed. i'm supposed to 'create' the product in people's minds as i talk about it, and then try to sell it. yes. sell. i'm still thinking about this. lol.

well. yes. classes are mostly after 12pm, except thursdays and mondays. though that means its hard for me to work, i'm actually more awake in the afternoon, so i guess its good. hahah.

i think this sem's gonna be pretty interesting. well. more interesting than the last one, at least. i didn't come to mass comm for website and graphic design. sorry to those who loved the modules, but i'm not cut out for it. =p

uhhhh. yes. i guess i've been pretty free everyday after school so far. hmm. i'll have to complete that radio assignment soon. after radio class on friday probably. heheh.

on a different note. today ling said something like 'don't give everything, because when the person leaves, you'll have nothing.'

kinda made me think. um. yeah.

what if.

what if, i have nothing without her, and everything with her?

and if like i do that all the time, love will never happen.

i guess, i fly high. then fall hard.

that's if i ever fall again.
don't drop me, please.

i should buy like "FRAGILE" stickers and stick it like. over my heart or something.

heh kidding.

gotta go. see you all.

you. are my everything.

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 10:38 PM

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hello all! long time no post, so here i am.

well. i've had a very fulfilling week.

monday saw me working, then wandering around town to get something. =) well. in the process i met lucas and his godsiblings at ben and jerry's. we started talking about a collaboration of me and his acoustic set, then he mentioned that he's gigging on wednesday. so i'm like OMG we can do something together!

so tuesday, tuesday saw me at lucas's place, finding stuff for me to fill in with flute for wednesday. was quite rushed. but i think everything paid off, the headaches of trying to improvise in the correct keys and stuff.

wednesday! wednesday. i went to work to try and repair my flute, which i did, to a small extent, due to the time constraint. bloody hell, i managed to get super glue on some of the joints. had to take apart some keys completely to clean them. lol. lucky i got it to work again.

i went to lucas's after work, in the afternoon, for a final rehearsal. poor jude, his throat was feeling screwy. hmm.

then. the gig. at ben and jerry's. seeing friends and other public people gave me some nerves.

seeing that prick for the first time was a tad amusing though. rofl.

so i gave it my all. most parts, i just. i dunno. closed my eyes and let it all out.

i'm supposing that everything went quite well, if i'm to take everyone's compliments.

yay =)

it could have been better though.

went home with mona after that.

well here comes the next part, which is more interesting, of course.

the chalet at changi. thursday.

mona came over first, then we met the rest at changi village. had dinner at the subway, which was complimented by stand-up comedy, performed by fat des. shit, he's seriously a damn funny guy. hahahahh.

headed back to the chalet. chilled for a while, caught some old-school stephen chow movie, which made almost NO sense. lol.

then they started the music after a while, after more people came.

got a bit high on some alcohol, so i let loose on the 'dancefloor'.

hahahah i think i was making a fool outta myself, mostly. hahah.

then this stray appeared at our door. mona and i christened him 'smoothie'.

then um. some very. uh. for the lack of a better word, shocking. event took place. we all started praying for one of our friends.

i'm a non-believer. but there was evil afoot. strong evil. and in the midst of that, pure goodness, a mother's love, one that lived beyond the grave.

i felt really moved and touched and stuff.

our little smoothie started behaving peculiarly too. i would go as far as to say he was our guardian for the night.

mona and i decided to get him some cat food, as well as some tidbits and foodstuff for our friends.

all of us were quite shaken. yesh.

so we walked to changi village 7-11.

and caught sight of some uh. unnatural beings. changi village. unnatural beings, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. roflrofl.

yup, when we got back, smoothie had LEFT. apparently he got chased away by some other cat. we cursed and cursed, hoped he'd come back in the morning. yeah so we cooked noodles and stuff for everyone. =)

sorry if it tasted funky guys, mass cooking lah, dunno how to regulate the amount of water. hahah.

then mona and i uh. retired. yeah. lol.

so.. in the morning we went to bathe and wash up and blah blah.

and smoothie came back purring at our door. =)

we fed him the food. but i dunno. i think he wasn't the same in the morning. he didn't feel very peculiar anymore. oh well.

i feel like my faithlessness has been slightly shaken after i saw what i saw.

blah.

i shall continue my walk down this path.

well. after we checked out, mona and i got to tampines, where i had a BIG BREAKFAST. no, not literally, because mac's big breakfast is. ironically, quite small.

then we cabbed to my place, where we CRAAASHHHED, in tiredness. hahah.

woke up not too long ago, sent her off, and now i'm here! =)

well, i'm horribly hungry. so i shall raid the kitchen. pre-dinner snack! =)

rwar!

giving myself to you was no mistake. it was a right choice, something i haven't made for the longest time.

i love you. i always will.

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 7:41 PM

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my heart..

it belongs to you.

pray, don't crush it in all its fragility.

i love you too.

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 3:05 AM

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hey rach,

you're not the only one who's feeling insecure.

life feels insecure.

life.

teh-flautist. ewenn @ 12:19 AM

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hello!

my life hasn't been really exciting..

well. you're a big exception though. =)

hmm.

i just got home from alumni prac.

its freaking hazy, so i'm taking a leaf out of mona's book and having a face mask while i'm typing this. yay.

welllll. i went to raffles medical centre on friday with mummy.

she's having kidney problems.

nothing alarming yet, but poor mom's worrying like shit because she read horrible things on the net. lol.

i'm starting to find myself appreciating and loving mummy more.

and vice versa.

i guess tragedies, imminent or past, make you appreciate people and things more.

oh well.

mum, please don't go so soon..

not like she's about to leave us, but, i dunno. shit happens.

i'll be a nicer son from now on.

oh one more thing.

i love you!

bye. =)